Is Hockey Taking Over Your Life?

The President of our hockey association sent me this email this week and it made me laugh. Yes, about 99% of it is TRUE.

How to Know When Your Kid's Hockey is Taking Over Your Life

• You base the next purchase of your new vehicle on whether it will hold six kids, six sticks and six hockey bags.
• You know the location of every hockey store within a 400 mile radius.
• You relate directions to places by the nearest arena.
• You know every kid on every team your child has ever played on, but don't have a clue who his school mates are.
• You feel lost when you have a free weekend.
• Your spouse waits until you decide where to sit and then chooses a spot on the opposite side of the arena. (Or becomes head coach for the same reason.)
• You become a partner in a skate sharpening business to save money.
• You ground your kids for a week (except for hockey practice).
• You can rationalize spending $159 on a Synergy for a 9 year old but won't spend $5 on a birthday card for spouse.
• When someone asks how old your children are you respond, "I have a Squirt and a PeeWee."
• You've had to use a grandparent to take kid #1 to a tournament because Dad was in a different country with kid #2 at a tournament, and Mom had kid #3 two counties away in a 3rd tournament, all in one weekend.
• You have more miles on your '05 minivan than a '66 Chevy.
• Practices make up a very large part of your social life.
• You buy gloves according to how loud you can clap in them.
• You find yourself missing the parents of your child's team-mates during the off-season. (But your liver thanks you.)
• You refuse to make any plans with your friends until you check your kid's hockey schedule.
• You've had to take out a home loan to pay for all the equipment and expenses.
• You plan the birth of your next child so he has a good hockey birthday.
• Your new baby's first word is Zamboni.
• All your computer passwords begin with "hockey" or contain your child's number.
• You have purchased a new $135 stick because the old one "didn't have any goals left in it."
• You know a few 5 year olds that are good, but "lack focus."
• Your kids have asked if Christmas is "home" or "away."
• You drive around in the winter with the windows down after every practice, hoping you will get used to the smell.